Five Step Problem-Solving Method
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Whether you are avoiding a difficult co-worker, or you're a manager that's been avoiding a difficult conversation with an employee, you aren't alone. Most people would prefer to avoid conflict even when it is to the detriment of their own well-being and cost to the organization. When we perceive someone as difficult, we lose the opportunity to address the issues and problem-solve. So let's focus on the difficult behavior and apply a problem-solving process.
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Pre-step: Take a moment to cool down a bit before letting the other know that you would like to talk with them. Don't let yourself get engaged in the process at this pre-step; just focus on getting to Step 1. When we are mad or emotional, we tend to say things that can escalate the situation. Take time to cool down and prepare before engaging in the process.
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Step 1: Agree on a place and time to talk
Find a quiet, private place to talk. Public places have a lot of ears and distractions.
Food and drink are a basic human need. Asking the other to meet over a cup of coffee can humanize the experience.
If you are not working physically together, a phone call or Zoom may be more appropriate.
Sincerely agree to solve the problem.
Find a quiet, private place to talk. Public places have a lot of ears and distractions.
Food and drink are a basic human need. Asking the other to meet over a cup of coffee can humanize the experience.
If you are not working physically together, a phone call or Zoom may be more appropriate.
Sincerely agree to solve the problem.
Step 2: Set some ground rules
No interrupting.
No name calling.
No put downs.
Tell the truth.
Tell your story.
No interrupting.
No name calling.
No put downs.
Tell the truth.
Tell your story.
Step 3: Use "I" messages
Be specific about what happened.
State how you feel.
State the impact it had on you.
"I was mad because you left the project undone and I was forced to have to stay late causing me to miss my son's game."
Be specific about what happened.
State how you feel.
State the impact it had on you.
"I was mad because you left the project undone and I was forced to have to stay late causing me to miss my son's game."
Step 4: Clarify needs
State your needs. "I need..."
Find out what the other person needs. "What are your needs...."
Look for common interests. "We both value..."
State your needs. "I need..."
Find out what the other person needs. "What are your needs...."
Look for common interests. "We both value..."
Step 5: Explore win-win solutions, reach an agreement, create a follow up plan
"What if we..."
"What ideas do you have..."
"Maybe we could try...."
"Does that work for you...."
"To make sure this is working, let's check-in...."
"What if we..."
"What ideas do you have..."
"Maybe we could try...."
"Does that work for you...."
"To make sure this is working, let's check-in...."
If you aren't ready to do this on your own and need the support of a mediator or conflict coach, we are here to help. 503.773.2173