In preparation for upcoming training, I asked my client for scenarios of when conflict occurs in their workplace. This helps with my process in customizing the training. One of the submissions concluded with "workers quit because of bad managers".
This really resonated with me. I have had a passion for wine for many years and decided about 3 years ago that it would be healthy for me to get out of my house (we were just coming out of the COVID lock down) and work in a tasting room. I figured that I could engage with other wine enthusiasts and the biggest conflicts would be limited to which tasting flight to select. I was welcomed immediately by the tasting room manager who recognized that my skills in communication and enthusiasm to share good wine was a good match. I like to think that I was also trainable. Unfortunately, the structure of the winery was reactive, disorganized, and lacked a marketing plan. While the winemaker was very talented, he had a toxic personality. The owners were very dependent on him and allowed his abusive behavior in the workplace. The winemaker managed to chase off, usually in tears, not one, not two, but 3 tasting room leads during my brief tenure. The owners simply stood by. Meanwhile, sales are down, the remaining staff are unmotivated, lacks guidance and proper training, and are fearful. Wineries rely on club members and club members are fleeing as well. The personalized service and connections with staff that members appreciate were constantly in flux. And yet, the toxic behavior continued. Does it matter if managers in your organization are toxic? Well, look at the above scenario. The toxicity leaked out and has started to impact the bottom line. There was constant employee turnover and burnout of those that remained. Personalized service and a positive experience for customers and members diminished. Meanwhile, the owners of the business had given away their power and allowed the bullying behavior of the winemaker to continue. The future is not looking too good for this organization. I share this because at some point I stopped getting scheduled (I generally worked one day on the weekend and at special events). I assumed it was because of the staff turnover and I also prioritized my professional business over the winery. However, I took it upon myself to learn as much as I could about wines, contribute to guest experience, and be a team player. When obvious discord among the employees emerged, I would gently remind the owners of what my profession was and offer to help be part of the solution. I visualized a facilitated discussion where we could hear from each other and work towards solutions that supported the goals of the winery and addressed the conflicts that arose. Even though I was frequently referred to as being "over qualified" for the winery and felt respected by the owners, they never took me up on the offer. Still I was left with the question of why I no longer seemed to be a valued employee. Recently I learned why: the winemaker didn't like something about me and he had me removed. And the owners just stood by. That hurt. But this is not just a story about me. It's a story that is experienced over and over by you and many others. This is the real life story of a system that is dysfunctional and being taken down by one toxic manager. So does it matter? Do the technical talents of a manager compensate for their toxic behavior? Based on my analysis and experience, I would say no. The costs are too high. We can develop technical skills in people. If leaders are open to learning and held accountable, they can build their soft skills in communication and conflict management. Organizations are better served when they hire for emotional intelligence and true leadership skills which include the ability to self-regulate and manage conflict. And when turnover is high and abuse is tolerated, this is a system that is going to self-destruct. Workers quit because of bad managers and in a front facing service industry, so do the customers. #toxicworkplaces #conflictmanagement
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Sunny Sassaman
Sharing experiences and insights of reflection and conflict management techniques. Archives
January 2025
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