The Myth of Multi-tasking

​Why Doing More Often Means Less
One day, when my kids were young, we were at a fast-food restaurant ordering our meal. The cashier was clearly not giving us his full attention and even mentioned that he was “good at multitasking.” When the food arrived—and it wasn’t what we had ordered—it became obvious that he was not, in fact, good at multitasking. To this day, it remains a family joke and a gentle reminder whenever one of us is not fully present with the other.
 
Why do we multitask, and why do we believe we are good at it?
 
An NPR article titled "Want to lighten your mental load? First, let go of these gender myths", challenges the common belief that some people are naturally better at multitasking than others. It also highlights the mental strain multitasking creates. In reality, we often accomplish less when trying to do multiple things at once, and we make more mistakes. In some settings, those mistakes can be dangerous—such as when a driver believes they can safely text while driving.
 
So how does multitasking affect our relationships and our ability to manage conflict?
When we multitask, we are not fully listening, fully present, or fully engaged. We miss cues, overlook concerns, and drain our mental energy. Research from the American Psychological Association has shown that frequent switching between tasks—especially complex ones—can reduce efficiency, increase errors, and create safety risks. More activity does not automatically mean better outcomes.
 
Multitasking can also shape expectations in our relationships. For example, if someone grew up in a household where one parent managed work, childcare, meals, household tasks, and emotional labor all at once, that model may become normalized. Without reflection, those learned patterns can carry into adult relationships and workplaces, where they may create unrealistic expectations or unnecessary tension.
 
Habits are automatic responses to specific situations. Multitasking can become one of those habits, much like our habits in conflict. We repeat what we know. But growth happens when we pause long enough to examine those patterns, decide whether they still serve us, and intentionally choose responses that are more effective, safer, and more aligned with our values.
 
When we attempt to multitask, we often drain our cognitive energy and increase the likelihood of mistakes. And, as that cashier unknowingly taught my family years ago, divided attention is rarely the best version of our self.