I recently completed a longtime goal of walking one of the Camino de Santiago paths. Starting in Porto, Portugal and reaching Santiago, Spain 170 miles later (or 280 km per my Compostela), I arrived after 14 days. When someone asked me how I did this pilgrimage, I responded in all honesty "by placing one front in front of the other". Everyday began by lacing up my shoes and putting one foot in front of the other along the path. Sometimes taking that first step was the hardest but it was also necessary in order to keep moving forward and complete my journey.
When we are faced with conflict, sometimes taking that first step of doing something about the conflict can be the hardest step. It may feel risky. We may feel unprepared. The other may respond in a manner that puts blame on you, resists, or deflects. We may also fear escalation and retaliation. However, those types of responses are indicative of avoidance. It can be hard to face our issues, the impacts our behaviors have had on others and take responsibility. It is unknown what can happen if we decide to engage with another that we feel conflict with. Approaching the other with compassion, empathy, and face saving techniques are some ways to open up the path for having an important and difficult conversation. Before I embarked on my pilgrimage, I tested out several brands of shoes. Once I found the pair that seemed to be the best fit, I walked many more miles and carried my backpack just to help me be as prepared as possible. I joined hiking groups to challenge myself and shared my training with my pilgrimage partner to help keep me accountable. Once on the path, that first day, nothing could have prepared me for the pain in my feet and the soreness in my legs. Stretching each day helped and I fell exhausted into bed every night hoping that the next day would be easier. The next day was not easier and other obstacles were faced; for example, many businesses are closed on Sunday's so finding food along the path was sometimes challenging. In addition to tired legs and sore feet, I learned that I get very unpleasant to those around me after 4 or so miles without food and a break. And so we continued on. We jointly realized that we were finding no joy in our pilgrimage and that we wanted to change our strategy. In addition to taking a rest day, we made a point to always visit a market each day to at least have a banana or bread to start each day, to take advantage of cafes that we came upon, and to not push ourselves to walk as many miles. It was a journey, not a race. We also checked in with each other regularly and gave encouragement when the other needed it. Mostly, we gave each other space even when we were literally on the same path. Before we engage in conflict resolution, it is helpful to be prepared. A conflict coach can help you assess both your needs and also that of your conflict partner. A coach can help you better understand yourself in conflict and prepare you for the conversation. If you are working with a mediator, a mediator can provide a pre-mediation coaching session to help you understand the process, the role of the mediator and strategize how you are going to negotiate. Committing to resolving the conflict requires preparation, patience and risk. Putting one foot in front of the other, taking a break, facing obstacles, reassessing, and commitment are all key elements to conflict resolution, just as a I experienced on my path to Santiago. There were moments of pain, joy, risk, and accomplishment-especially in the those moments when I started doubting myself. Once we believe we can do something, we can. And we can further extend that spirit to the other. As a mediator, I remain optimistic in the human spirit to want peace and be able to resolve conflict that we are all faced with. Preparation, reassessment, empathy and commitment are all components that help support us in the goals we set for ourselves.
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Sunny Sassaman
Sharing experiences and insights of reflection and conflict management techniques. Archives
January 2025
Categories |