The Power of the Pivot:

Seeing Conflict from the Other Side
As a mediator, one strategy I coach my clients to practice is putting themselves in the shoes of the other person. This involves brainstorming what the other person’s values and needs might be, what goals they hold for themselves, the relationship, and the resolution of the conflict. In essence, I’m asking my clients to pivot—to step outside of their own perspective and briefly step into the perspective of their conflict partner.
 
Anyone who has participated in a debate understands the value of studying the other side. A strong debate is not won simply by presenting your own argument well; it also requires understanding the views, data, and emotions that support the opposing position. Successful preparation includes researching not only your side of the issue, but also anticipating the arguments the other team will bring.
 
I have often found that arguing the less popular side of a topic—sometimes one I personally disagree with—actually makes me a stronger debater. It forces me to dig deeper into perspectives I might otherwise dismiss. By doing so, I become more informed and more thoughtful in both my presentation and rebuttal.
 
Interestingly, when audiences or judges are strongly aligned with the more popular view, challenging that perspective can provoke a surprising amount of emotion. The better prepared I am to present the opposing side, the more it can unsettle the room. It is a curious juxtaposition: thoughtful disagreement can feel threatening when people are deeply invested in their perspective.
 
In the workplace, differences in life experience, communication styles, and beliefs can easily create friction between colleagues. We may feel threatened by the other. The pivot approach mirrors the preparation used in debate. As a conflict coach, I support clients using a proven approach developed by Cinnie Noble, the creator of the CINERGY model. Through a one-on-one coaching process, clients explore the sources of conflict, identify their own needs and contributions to the situation, and then practice pivoting to consider the perspective of their conflict partner.
 
In debate terms, if you are preparing the “pro” argument, conflict coaching asks you to thoughtfully explore the “con.” This process can be used on its own or as preparation for mediation or facilitation.
 
The pivot allows us to pause, take a breath, and approach conflict with curiosity. Just as in debate, the more we understand about the other person’s perspective, the more effective we can be in what we share and how we respond. It also allows us to test assumptions, discover common ground, and build solutions that create a stronger path forward.
 
When we step out of our own story and into someone else’s, conflict often shifts from a battle to a conversation.