Feedback As a Gift

On Friday, I’m delivering a workshop for leaders on giving and receiving feedback: Feedback and Empathic Communication. As I prepare, I’ve been reflecting on how we offer feedback, how we receive it, and what often gets in the way.
 
It has been my experience that people naturally default to a self-focused perspective. We tend to think first about our own needs, intentions, and experiences. At the same time, we also have the capacity for empathy and the ability to be fully present with others. But empathy usually requires intention. It asks us to pause our internal narrative long enough to truly consider someone else’s experience.
 
The opposite extreme can be just as unhelpful. Becoming entirely other-focused can sometimes look caring on the surface, but it may also become a form of avoidance—where one person disappears. Healthy communication makes room for both people. Even in professions built on neutrality, such as mediation, we do not stop being human. Humans bring emotions, judgments, ideas, and lived experience into every interaction.
 
Today, I attended a networking event as a guest and decided to be honest about one of my reasons for being there: I wanted feedback. To my delight, I received thoughtful, constructive ideas about how to put some of my own concepts into practice. What a gift.
 
That is the heart of this message: when someone takes the time to give you feedback, they are offering you something valuable. The feedback may not be polished. It may not be delivered exactly how you would prefer. It may even challenge the identity you hold about yourself. But feedback is often a window into how others experience your behavior.
 
This does not mean you must automatically accept or agree with everything you hear. But when feedback comes from someone you trust—or from someone who has nothing to gain or lose by telling you the truth—it is worth considering. If it lands poorly, sit with it before reacting. Thank the person for sharing it. Let them know you heard them. Then reflect with a growth mindset.
 
If you regularly ask for feedback and hear only praise, it may be time to widen your circle or create more psychological safety for honest responses.
 
Many years ago, I was a member of Toastmasters International. As I progressed through the program, constructive feedback became increasingly valuable to me. When I stopped receiving it, I felt my growth stall. Although the Evaluator role is built into the experience, I realized how uncomfortable many of us are with offering difficult feedback. We often prioritize being “nice” and preserving relationships, forgetting that honest feedback can strengthen both.
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I am under no illusion that feedback is easy. It can be uncomfortable to give and difficult to receive. But like any skill, we improve through practice. Practice builds confidence, deepens authenticity, and supports stronger relationships.
 
Take time to listen with curiosity—especially when the feedback you receive contradicts how you see yourself.