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Finding Gratitude When Hope Feels Hard
This year has challenged one of my most deeply held beliefs: that at our core, people are inherently good. As a mediator, I see the best and worst in people—sometimes within the same conversation, even within the same breath. I’ve long held onto the idea that if we can just slow down and listen to understand each other, something human and decent will emerge. But this year… that belief has been shaken. Maybe it needed to be. I’m confronting a truth that is painful to acknowledge: not all people choose goodness. Some harm others without remorse. Some go through the motions of conflict resolution but have no real intention to change or to understand the pain they’ve caused. And yet—my work depends on hope. It depends on the belief that people can shift, that insight is possible, that connection can be rebuilt. When that belief wavers, I have to find another anchor. For me, that anchor has been Gratitude. Not the passive kind we sometimes mention around a holiday table, but an intentional, daily practice. A discipline. A way of looking for the light when the darker parts of humanity feel too close. Each day, I look for three things:
Simple. Clear. Repeatable. And it has changed everything. Today, I felt joy when my son set a coffee date with me. Someone at the gym paused to hold the door. And I helped a woman who was confused about a business relocation. Small moments. Easy to overlook. But intentionally noticing them shifts something inside me—away from cynicism, toward perspective, toward grace. Gratitude doesn’t erase the hard things I see. It doesn’t deny the reality that some people choose harmful paths, abuse power. But it does remind me that goodness still exists—in gestures, in connection, in the quiet moments of care that ripple outward. And for now, that is enough to keep me grounded, hopeful, and human.
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TALK: Building Better Conversations This Holiday Season
We often struggle with conversations — especially when there’s tension, misunderstanding, or outright conflict. These are the ones we label “difficult conversations.” But according to research by Alison Wood Brooks, author of TALK, we’re not particularly good at the “easy” ones either. As we roll into another holiday season, if you find yourself starting to sweat at the thought of small talk around the family table with relatives you’d rather avoid, read on — there may be a solution, if you’re willing to do a little preparation. Research shows we’re naturally drawn to people who seem similar to us — such as appearance, age, background, work, religion, or geography. Shared traits make conversations feel safer and easier to start. But they can also make our interactions predictable, limited, and yes, sometimes boring. Meanwhile, we’re surrounded by messages suggesting we have little in common with those who are “different” from us — that our neighbors are our “enemies,” our values incompatible, and our conversations destined for conflict. I challenge that belief. Perceptions and assumptions about others are not facts. So how do we bridge differences and engage in easier conversations? Brooks offers a helpful framework using the acronym TALK:
My biggest takeaway from her approach is the value of preparation — taking time to think about topics ahead of time, even creating a list. Not every topic fits every audience, and being flexible helps us incorporate how we ask, create levity, and offer kindness. For instance, at a business networking event, instead of leading with the tired “What do you do?”, try: “What are you currently reading?” It’s a great way to open the door to a more meaningful conversation. Or think about the classic Trader Joe’s cashier banter: “Got any plans for the rest of the day?” Simple, open, and easy — yet it often sparks reflection (or even inspires new plans!). And when you find yourself sitting next to that challenging relative at the holiday table, try something unexpected like: “What’s something you’re good at but don’t enjoy doing?” “Is there something you’d like to learn more about?” Brooks even includes an appendix with conversation topics — worth the price of the book alone. Like any skill, good conversation takes preparation and practice. Imagine the relationships you could build and the things you might learn simply by giving yourself the opportunity to TALK. Resource: Alison Wood Brooks, TALK: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves. We often place people in roles where their decisions affect many who have little or no voice in the process. Yet those same individuals are expected to live with the outcomes. Think of parents developing a parenting plan during separation — a plan that shapes a child’s daily life, but the child has no say. Or a CEO appointed by a Board, making decisions that impact employees who had no input on who leads them. Or voters in a democratic society whose voices are diminished when the candidate they supported does not win.
These are examples of what William Ury refers to as The Third Side — the wider community of people who are directly or indirectly affected by a conflict or decision. Ury suggests that when conflict arises, the most constructive outcomes happen not through force or win/lose negotiation, but by engaging the broader community to seek a “triple win”: a resolution that benefits Side 1, Side 2, and the community as a whole. Side 1 and Side 2 sit at the table, but they are surrounded by the Third Side — the family, the friends, the neighbors, the co-workers, the stakeholders, the constituents, the people who must live with the outcome. When we think only in positions — who is “right,” who “wins,” who is “on our side” — we leave out those who are equally affected by the result. Even those who support the “winning” side benefit from a solution that is durable, supported, and peaceful. True resolution requires buy-in from the whole system, not just the two visible sides. Engaging the Third Side helps create a culture of constructive conflict. It opens space for solutions that are not available when only two voices are heard. The Third Side can also be the shared purpose: the mission, the vision, the common good, the picture of success. It shifts the focus from how to implement a solution to what we are working toward and why it matters. When we invite the Third Side in, we move from adversaries to collaborators — and from conflict to possibility. Generations Across the Workplace: Baby BoomersIf you have a co-worker or manager who is often the last one to leave the office or who sends emails while you are on vacation, there's a good chance you're working with a Baby Boomer—those born between 1946 and 1964. This same colleague may also be the one who organizes the annual charitable giving campaign or monthly birthday celebrations. These behaviors reflect deeply rooted values of service, teamwork, and commitment. While many Boomers are reaching or have reached retirement age, a significant number continue to work. In fact, Purdue Global estimates that approximately 10,000 Boomers reach retirement age every day. This generation carries a wealth of institutional knowledge and professional experience and often associates authority with longevity and dedication. Shaped by events such as the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights Movement, Watergate, and the founding of the Peace Corps, Boomers witnessed how collective action can create meaningful change. As a result, they tend to value hard work, loyalty, and a willingness to “go the extra mile” for success. When working with a Boomer, it can be helpful to understand what motivates them. They are often driven by a sense of loyalty to the organization and pride in their contributions. Demonstrate your commitment by acknowledging their input, asking for their perspective, and connecting your ideas to the organization’s mission. Boomers may prefer more context or detail in communication, and they may provide you with the same in return. As with any generation, the best approach is simply to ask about preferences. It’s also important not to underestimate their comfort with technology. Some of the most influential innovators of modern tech—Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Richard Branson—as well as influencers like Oprah Winfrey—are Baby Boomers. As Boomers transition out of the workplace, they take with them significant institutional memory and historical insight. Younger generations can benefit greatly by inviting Boomers to share experiences, mentorship, and lessons learned. With their collective approach to work and their strong commitment to building organizations, Boomers have contributed to systems and opportunities that continue to shape today’s workplaces.  |
Sunny Sassaman
Sharing experiences and insights of reflection and conflict management techniques. Archives
February 2026
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