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Subtitle: Too Many Files, Note Enough Memory The Cloud associated with my computer has so many documents and files that it is creating a level of chaos in my life. I try to be organized—to streamline folders and identify them in a way that makes sense. Unfortunately, what made sense then doesn’t necessarily make sense today. Sometimes I feel like my brain is reaching that same level of capacity. I need to add a terabyte—or maybe more—of memory space. There are so many “files” in my head: memories, important day-to-day tasks, skills, life lessons, experiences, and everything else I have collected along the way. It is no wonder that some days I have a hard time making sense of what feels like chaos in my brain. This became particularly clear recently when I was preparing a short speech as an icebreaker for Toastmasters. Twenty-five years ago, I first joined Toastmasters and gave an icebreaker that seemed easy enough to pull together. It gave my new Toasties a good overview of who Sunny was then. I could organize my story into three clear phases and, in just a few minutes, give people a snapshot of my life. Fast-forward a couple of decades and a new Toastmasters club. While I eventually found a way to create my icebreaker, I felt much more challenged by the question: How do I represent who I am today in three to five minutes? Which file of “Sunny” do I pull from? Which phase? Which life experience? Which impactful moments? Which lessons? It felt overwhelming! And that got me thinking about conflict. Conflict often starts with a single incident. If it isn't addressed, we begin to document and build a file when the difficult behavior continues. Over time, that file can become very full. Eventually, we may feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to approach the situation—or even manage our own reactions to it. The file isn't just full of facts. It is full of experiences, interpretations, and often strong emotions. Those emotions can cloud the facts. And when we try to explain where an interpersonal conflict began, it can be surprisingly difficult to sort through everything that has accumulated. Addressing conflict early is often helpful, but it isn't always appropriate, safe, or easy. Sometimes we need to create some distance before we can even begin to understand what is happening. That is where a third party can help. Whether it is working with a conflict coach or inviting the other person to participate in mediation, a third party can help us sort through the files, separate the facts from the emotions, identify patterns, and bring some order to the chaos. Fortunately, Toastmasters offers comprehensive guides and videos to support effective public speaking. There are outlines and tips for organizing a speech, as well as mentors within the club who can help us figure out what to include and what to leave out. There are also professional organizers who specialize in helping us reduce the chaos in our physical and virtual lives. They help us decide what to keep, what to donate, what to destroy—and, perhaps most importantly, how to find what we need when we need it. I've started doing something similar with my own mental files. I've taken to journaling as a way to create some order in my life. It gives me a place to dump the excess stuff rattling around in my brain and make space for what is important. It has helped me with focus and clarity. More importantly, it gives me a little more sense of control over how I receive and process the endless amount of information coming at me every day. Maybe we all need occasional help organizing our files—whether those files live in the Cloud, on our desks, or inside our heads. 
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Action Creates Action: Finding Your Way Forward Recognizing that my current course of action was not producing the outcomes I wanted, it was time to make some different choices. Those choices became Options A, B, and C. Options A and B were entirely new directions. Each had benefits, as well as risks. The success of either option was not entirely within my control. Even if I really, really, really wanted A or B, ultimately, I didn’t have the power to make either one happen. So, I did my homework, prepared myself, and approached each option as though it had already materialized—as though I was already walking that path. Option C was more familiar. It was a path I had been on before but had been trying to move away from. It shared many of the benefits of A and B, while offering greater flexibility, along with its own risks and uncertainties. My basic needs are met. I am mentally stimulated. And each time I exercise Option C, it is only for the short term. Unlike A and B, C allows me to continue doing many of the things I enjoy, both personally and professionally. The biggest downside of C is that it requires me to rely on others for support. I have never liked burdening others with things I view as my responsibility. But sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do! And my family and friends always come through for me. I am fortunate to have such a wonderful support system, especially in absentia. This experience reminded me of something I often see in conflict. When we are faced with a dilemma or conflict, it can be incredibly helpful to step back and look at the situation from a distance. Identifying the real problem or underlying need can help put things into perspective. For me, taking action to create three options gave me a way to evaluate the benefits, risks, and possibilities of each path. More importantly, it illuminated different ways of moving toward my goal. When we are in conflict with another person, it is worth asking: “If things were going well, what would that look like?” That question can help us gain perspective, identify what we really want, create options, and begin exploring different paths. And if Option A doesn’t work out—or doesn’t feel right—we can move to Option B. And then C. And maybe D, E, or F emerge along the way. Knowing what options are available, and continuing to open doors to other possibilities, helps create a sense of control. Remaining an active participant in my life seems to generate more actions. I firmly believe that action creates action. The same is true when negotiating with another person to resolve a conflict. A simple act of offering a solution—something that reduces the space between you and the other person—is an action within your control. It may not result in the other person responding in kind. But making the offer was an action you had control over. Being prepared with an understanding of what you can offer, where you can compromise, and where your boundaries lie gives you choices. Those choices help determine how you proceed—and when you may need to walk away. Right now, I am somewhere between Options B and C. Honestly, because I have had time and perspective, along with feedback from family and friends, I am beginning to see even more options. My goal hasn’t changed. But I am feeling less stressed. Perhaps that is the key to the whole process. Step back. Exhale. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Create options. And keep moving forward intentionally. Sometimes, a familiar path may even start to sparkle in ways you didn’t notice before.  What Vacation Taught Me About Perspective This summer, I took a road trip. It took about five days before I truly relaxed—perhaps because I wouldn't fully let go of my work responsibilities. But once I met up with family, set up my tent, grabbed a cold drink, and settled into a camp chair, the stress simply melted away. For the first time in a while, I was completely present. Stepping away from my usual routine, meeting new people, and navigating unfamiliar places provided a much-needed break from the constant demands and noise of everyday life. My out-of-office message gave me permission to unplug, and the lack of internet certainly helped. Something else happened during vacation that surprised me. Time away shifted my perspective. Like many people, I tend to settle into familiar routines. My days become predictable, and I minimize interruptions because they feel inefficient. But after returning home, I noticed things differently. Standing in my kitchen, I momentarily forgot which drawer held the silverware. In my office, I suddenly saw clutter that had become invisible to me. Instead of slipping immediately back into old habits, I decided to preserve some of that fresh perspective. I threw away pens that no longer worked. I filed old receipts, shredded outdated documents, dusted, vacuumed, and reorganized my workspace. The clear kitchen counters that had welcomed me home were quickly collecting random items again, so I stopped to ask myself why. Rather than accepting the clutter as inevitable, I made changes that better reflected how I wanted to live and work. That experience reminded me of a concept from William Ury called "going to the balcony." In his work on negotiation and conflict resolution, he describes metaphorically stepping away from the interaction, as though you're watching it from a balcony overlooking the scene. From that vantage point, emotions become less overwhelming, patterns become more visible, and new possibilities begin to emerge. Conflict often feels immediate and personal. We react from habit, defend our position, or repeat conversations that never seem to move forward. But when we intentionally step back—even briefly—we create space to ask better questions, understand the situation more completely, and choose a response instead of simply reacting. Sometimes the perspective we need doesn't come from solving the problem harder. It comes from creating enough distance to see it differently. Everyone deserves the opportunity to step away from the demands of daily life. Whether it's a two-week vacation, a long weekend, or simply taking a walk before responding to a difficult email, those moments of distance can reset more than our energy—they can reset our perspective. And perhaps that's one of the greatest gifts of stepping away: we return not just rested, but able to see our lives, our relationships, and our conflicts with fresh eyes. From there, better conversations—and better outcomes—become much easier to imagine.  |
Sunny Sassaman
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August 2026
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